My name is Steve Macari. The purpose of this site is to share my healing experiences with you so that you can actively engage in the healing process that is taking place within your own being and the world. Below is a little bit about how I came to this place.

I spent the first 20 years of my life acquiring my conditioning—my beliefs about my self and the world. I was then set free to interact with the world. Instead of having a beautiful experience and learning about the world and encountering people and experiences with confidence and curiosity, I was in a state of constant fear. Instead of seeing the oneness in the world I saw separation. Every person and experience was seen as a battle. Of course I didn’t know any of this at the time and I thought I was normal.

For most of my 20s I worked at a hedgefund in New York City. The environment was exciting and the people to my right and left were getting 7 figure bonuses and owned multiple homes worldwide (which I was not, although I was probably doing better financially than most of my friends). The more time I spent there the more the stress of the environment weighed on me (I was in a constant state of fight or flight). Strangely, I became more and more identified with my job and where I worked. I had built an identity around it which had largely consumed me. I often appeared as an arrogant controlling asshole, however, I was really really scared and incredibly insecure.

Around the age of 30 I had a “perfect storm” which resulted in deep physical, mental, emotional and spiritual distress. I experienced a surfing accident which resulted in a serious infection and subsequent health probIems and I lost my job at the hedgefund. I did not know what to do regarding my physical health, but also what to do with my life. There were many sleepless nights and a rather deep depression. After searching for answers in the medical world and receiving none I found the work of Paul Chek, who I will refer to as the godfather of holistic health. Within 3 months I had largely restored my physical health. I learned the importance of food quality, digestion, hormones and eating the right foods for your unique body. I also learned how to more effectively manage the various stressors in my life. I was super excited with this newfound knowledge and the transformation I had made.I wanted to help other people do the same, so I decided to enroll in Paul Chek’s holistic lifestyle coaching program and completed all 3 levels within 1 year. Things started falling into place for me.

I soon began working as a nutritionist and health coach in NYC. A premier fitness club in SoHo hired me to provide nutrition and health consulting services. It was there that I worked with numerous A list actors and some of the highest paid business people in the world. It was exciting at first, but I quickly became frustrated. I really wanted to help people change but what I saw was that people didn’t really want to change, they just wanted to check a box. I soon realized how poor nutrition and lifestyle habits most often stem from mental/emotional issues. I began to dig more deeply into the mental, emotional, spiritual layers of healing and I started working through some of my own issues. I began to incorporate some of this into my work with clients, but was met with resistance by many.

After about 5 years of working with people in NYC I had a daughter and became a mostly full-time dad. They say having a child will change you and well, it changed me more than I can imagine and propelled me even deeper down the healing path. I began thinking about my daughters development. I remember one time I saw her look in the mirror and I realized there was no separate self, there was no judgement about what she saw, it was all one thing with no filter. The separation, the subject/object had not yet been formed. I started thinking about my own childhood and how I became “Steve”.

It was at this point that I took what I would call the “First Step.” (The main characteristic of this phase would be confronting things head on and not blaming anyone else or the world for your issues). I began delving into my life, especially the first 10 years of my life and began remembering things—things that shaped who I was, or more accurately, who I thought I was. I began to unravel the puzzle of me. This remembering was helpful, but I didn’t know what to do with the memories or how to heal them. I knew I was mad about things from the past or I had feelings of guilt and shame, but there had to be more. I knew there were deeper emotions that were blocked up inside of me. I needed access to those.

One day the idea for O.U.T came to me. Over the course of 12 months I used O.U.T to heal in a way that I could never have imagined. During the process I experienced the deepest despair, grief and agony that I had ever experienced but I also experienced the greatest joy and peace imaginable. During this process I found out what I really am. I invite you to join.